As I hum the pink panther tune and think about how being sneaky comes so instinctively, it’s important to note that this is what addicts and alcoholics do. We have a gene in us that makes us the best liars, actors, and manipulators out there. This is not an excuse to act like a complete ass and do whatever we want. That’s the problem and recognizing it is a step in the right direction at least. Through our chemical dependency, lying and sneaking about becomes second nature to us out of fear mixed with guilt and shame. As we enter recovery, it becomes imperative to realize that when were being sneaky and trying to do something like cheat a drug test- we are really only fooling ourselves.
While the world turns and we all struggle to be the best versions of ourselves we can be, addiction and alcoholism loom around the corner waiting to mug you when your guard is down. Staying sober, in one form or another, has a lot more attention to detail than most realize. To be working an honest program means to be honest in all areas of your life. This means not just excluding the little daily white lies we tell people for no reason but also being a person of integrity. This means not looking for ways to beat the system but doing things the right way. This means not looking for drugs that will be invisible on a drug test but actually remaining 100% sober through recovery.
Recovery Can’t Be Hide and Seek
As long as I can remember, there have always been people trying to get around their drug test or even cheat them just to appease their addiction. Maybe the drug test is for a job, or probation, or even just to keep a roof over your head at the new halfway house you skeptically entered. Never the matter, the finest way to pass those drug tests are to just practice a program of recovery and actually abstain from using various powders or cough syrup or whatever the hell it is you are trying to get double vision off of.
Fortunately for those trying to remain in their chemical warfare induced misery, there are plenty of options out there that will keep you trapped in that revolving door if the obsession is too much. One of the more common methods of getting high that’s seen often is using hallucinogens such as mushrooms or LSD. Due to the properties of their hallucinogenic nature, neither one of the drugs shows up on a drug test- or in your bloodstream for that matter. These two, among a few others in their classification, have to be tested in a special manner such as having a spinal tap done. Hallucinogens are usually picked by many addicts because they are believed to be non-addictive narcotics and a lot of us love to trick ourselves into believing we can get away with it without waking a demon inside. Wrong. Sure, you may pass a few drug test, but the weight will end up getting heavier and heavier over time. At some point or another, the guilt and/or the obsession will catch up to your sneaky ways- they always do.
Those are a few of the illicit street drugs that many addicts and alcoholics turn to, but then there are the other household methods that are equally destructive but worth the risk to the irrational mindset. You’ll hear in stories of people taking advantage of the over the counter pharmacy products in your local Walgreens, CVS, or Rite aid- this is not uncommon. Cold medicine with products like Dextromethorphan or Sudafedrin give people the desired buzz they are looking for but in a cheaper and dirtier manner. It may come in cough syrup form or little tablets in a box, but a lot of addicts and alcoholics will do whatever they can to fill that craving with the rational fear of a drug test in the back of their skulls. Hell, I’ve seen some addicts down mouthfuls of Benadryl just to get some sort of droopy-eyed effect.
Even with the different drug test out there, most addicts and alcoholics will still always find a way around that 4, 8, 12, or 18-panel urinalysis or blood screening coming their way. A favorite of mine when I was still living under my Charlie Brown rain cloud was doing “whip its.” The correct political term for these would be Nitrous Oxide or laughing gas in layman’s terms. Also believed to not be addictive, any form of this drug will turn your brain to mush as it deprives you of the oxygen you require. Because it is a gas that is being inhaled, it technically does not stay in the bloodstream like a slew of chemicals normally would. This would later open up a door for other inhalants such as Aerosol. Some may not consider it a drug, but it was all about the intended effect and the euphoric feeling that was being chased while beating the drug test (coupled with nausea, a bad taste in your mouth, and a booming headache later on.)
This is where the insanity will take a lot of addicts and alcoholics. We’ll sneakily or openly chase chemicals, booze, or any other form of “feel good” into the depths of insanity and desolation just to pass that drug test or blood screening without getting “busted.” It’s not until we dive head first into an actual program of recovery and bury this fixation that we will be able to be joyous and pee stress-free. The obsession cannot be masked with, “that’ll do.”
Get Your A+ On the Test
The truth of the matter is that we all want the easier route. We don’t want to be told of this malady that makes passing a simple drug test the hardest thing in the world. It will take this firm grasp of our life and starts controlling all aspects no matter how sneaky we are in trying to fight it- if we allow it to. That’s the thing though- we can’t cheat addiction/alcoholism. It’s always a step ahead of us and has to be beaten fair and square. If you or a loved one is struggling with chemical dependency and are ready for help, call 1-866-433-1992 or visit www.anylength.net. We are ready to give you any suggestions possible and set you or your loved one on a path that we can all be proud of.
